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Noob
SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n00b - (n) a pre-pubescent online player, often found to be insulting adults and saying things such as: *"I'll pwn j00" *"ph41l" *"W7F?! j00 4R3 73H Ch347z0rz!!!11!!!one" The n00b will in fact often call others n00bs, thus showing a complete lack of self-awareness. The only truly effective weapons against n00bs are "your momma" jokes and immediate and repeated termination, thereby giving them no room to insult. Be warned, the second course of action will often result in accusations of "h4x0r1ng", known to normal people as cheating. N00biness Any certified doctor can easily diagnose the state of being a n00b, more commonly know as n00biness. The following are things that are commonly checked when testing for n00biness. Risk Factors There are several risk factors associated with n00biness. The most common are: * Not having gone through puberty. * Having gone through puberty, but still having an abnormally high-pitched voice. * Failing first grade English class. * Losing your virginity... by yourself! Anyone with any of these risk factors should immediately be tested for noobiness before playing any multiplayer games, in order to control the spread of the disease. Symptoms Noobiness manifests itself in many ways. The most common symptoms are: * Not being able to tell the difference between an a''' and a '''4. * Failing classes because you wrote your final papers using the above logic. * Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch in order to prevent another human from getting the point from killing you. * Sticking plasma grenades to your own crotch for no reason. * Having such crappy aim that you have to rely on aimbots to help you get kills. * Yelling "This server sucks!" and disconnecting from the server the first time you are killed. * Yelling "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MOOOMMYYY!!!!!" upon seeing a guy with an SMG. * Craving Achievements for orgasms. * Have dreams your making out with cortana. Continued T-bagging of of campaign NPC's is still under study. Not understanding the last sentence, however, has been proven accurate for early symptions of n00b. Treatment N00biness is extremely difficult to treat. Once initially infected, it is almost always impossible to stop the downward cycle. Some experimental methods that may work include: * Taking extra English classes during summer school. * Breaking the 4 key on your keyboard (although n00biness will eventually lead to this because of excessive use). * Throwing away all of your grenades at the start of the round. * Having a friend (assumed that you have any) beat you over the head with a baseball bat, a row or an iron bar whenever you act like a n00b. * Avoid use of the term "pwn" until you actually can "pwn". * Separating yourself from other n00bs for extended periods of time. * Not killing yourself in a match at least once. * Doing yoga whenever you see an SMG. * Hardly training yourself in throwing grenades, driving Scorpions and speaking like a normal person. Transmission N00biness is highly contagious to those who are not vaccinated or have not gone through puberty. Exposure to any n00b for any amount of time puts you at risk of contracting n00biness. Exposure to n00bs should be minimized at all costs. If you need help facing down your n00biness, please speak to your local administrator. Dealing With N00bs N00bs can contaminate you with n00biness very easily. The following are the proper tools to deal with them: *Camperguns *Sucky Mini Guns (they'll run to their mommas) *Noodlers (AKA The nOOB-inator) *Sniper Rifle (They'll never know what hit them...) *Yo Momma jokes *T-bagging (actually, this kind of fails a little bit...) Contageousness... nessness *The spread of n00bism has reached the point where grown men with normal voices are also in this state. This amplifies the theory that n00bism may also be caused by people with extremely small penises trying to compensate for their carnal shortcomings Types of Noob *The person who established this site (man, he must have been a... WELL I better not write this) *Achievement Whores: Noobs who attempt to unlock all achievements and film them using the Theater on Halo 3. *Campers AKA Girl Scouts (which user ShadowyLeftHand takes no offense to): Noobs who stand near player spawn points with a shotgun and kill people. *Aggressive Snipers AKA Lee Harvey Oswalds: Noobs who will do anything to get a hold of a sniper rifle, including kill their own team-mates. Lee Harvey Oswalds are know to yell BOOM! HEADSHOT! on the rare occasions they actually hit someone. *JFK Jrs.: Noobs who enter a Banshee or Hornet and just fly around crashing into things. *De-Levelers: Noobs who keep sticking themselves with plasma grenades or commit suicide in other manners to lower their level on XBL. *(insert weapon) Whores: Noobs who camp by weapon spawnpoints and/or kill their teammates to get a hold of a certain weapon or vehicle. Common examples include Combo Whores, Shotgun Whores, Rocket Whores, and Tank Whores. *Modders AKA h4xz0rz5: These Noobs will actually pwn you... when they're modding anyway. You are probably playing against a modder if Ghosts start falling out of the sky right onto your head, you are attacked by a flying Warthog, somebody is shooting rockets out of their SMG, a giant gorilla suddenly spawns and rips you in half or the AIDs virus is unleashed. *Wannabe noobs: Noobs who think they can use a sniper rifle/tank but then they fail at it and when they die and their teammate takes it, they just bitch and moan about it and either kils their team mates or waits till the weapon spwns by camping at the spwn and hitting the wall till it spwns Known n00bs * Master Chief * Anoobis (The Lord of the n00bs) * Truth * Tartar Sauce